there's more to life than books, you know

Discipline is the highest of all virtues. Only so may strength and desire be counterbalanced and the endeavors of man bear fruit.
(--Kazantzakis, The Saviors of God)

Paralleling septemberish's recent admission of her perverse pleasure in pulling an all-nighter: Dyou think there's something wrong with me that I started to salivate while reading through the course offerings at the schools I want to go to?

Also, I just wrote to Uma because I was idly researching the big bang theory and found this:
According to the standard theory, our universe sprang into existence as "singularity" around 13.7 billion years ago. What is a "singularity" and where does it come from? Well, to be honest, we don't know for sure.

It made me laugh because I once wrote a paper for her trying to figure out what the hell a singularity is (in Multitude, but still.)

Also, the big bang thing is funny because evidently the theory is that before this moment when this singularity sprang into existence, there was nothing. Then there was the universe. I know this is one of those things that baffles everybody and is ergo sort of trite, but...There was Nothingness (whatever that is) and then, this atom, that expanded outward, spinning the worlds into existence? Cosmology is crazy. Creation.

Spewing half-formed thoughts onto a page is such an unsatisfying exercise, particularly when you're meant to set an example with this paper you're writing besotten with a cold and confused head. Today coming back on the train the Hudson was all frozen choppy, almost solid on the edges and getting more loose towards the center. It reminded me of pastry crust, for some reason. Back to work. Modernity ick.

The cans in front of me: Cream Ale, lemon-lime seltzer, Diet Coke.
The feeling in me? Good.
The thesis outline? Sprawling enough that I feel comfortable just working on it towards a quick end at a reasonable bedtime. It is, after all, only meant to be a 5 pg outline-- a motivational and organizational tool, certainly, but not much beyond that.

Gym class in less than 11 hours-- how inappropriate. I worked out today on my own which felt really good.

Overall I'm feeling so much more calm and in place about things, thank G-d. The light was spilling in through my window this morning when I woke up on 5 hours' sleep and I still felt so grateful. It's nice to have an altar at the head of yr bed.

And, I'm so excited to get to give myself a mini-break to go to the city to see my boyfriend and my again-departing friends and, at the end of it all, most likely get my first shot.

Moon's full in a couple of days; makes sense.

sending love--

All of Vassar is a puddle! Green and sloshy and the snow is melting to mudlicious slush and the water is deep cold and clear. I got a copious amount of cookies from The Baker at home, and a bath stopper, from my mom, in the mail! Oh drank Guinness last night and finally fell asleep! Ooh, and Squirm (the campus sex-positive pornzine) even gave me a rad (and unintentionally hilarious) gift as thanks for helping set up and carry off Hot Chocolate, that lovely event which gave me an excuse to prance around in next to nothing.

In short, puddles! Cookies! So even though I'm exhausted cos I couldn't sleep til like 3 last night and then woke up to go to the bathroom and almost had a panic attack about opening the stall door, now I am happy!